Diary Ramadhan 2020

Assalamualaikum, hi guys! :)

Holy macaroni, it has been 4 years since I've updated this blog!

      Last post were on March 2016. So in between that until now, I've been having a great career as Nadilah Champion Proton @ Proton Edar Larkin helping out my clients owning their dream cars with ease AND I've had 4 more nieces and nephews to love and to cherish until my last breath. Pheew, and a lot more in between.

      This particular post is to celebrate my 2020's Ramadhan which was beautiful, alhamdulillah. So all the things happened in between tu nanti lah posts lain eh kalau rajin nak menulis lagi, haha!

      We started fasting on 23rd of April; I was looking forward on achieving my personal goal on finishing the whole Al-Quran on the holy month...starting from surah Al-Fatihah, even though I stopped in the middle of the Quran from the last time I read it. Rasa nak start fresh, I don't know why.

      If you remember the post from 2009 regarding my Ramadhan (click the underlink for the post), where I first khatam the holy book. At 16, I finished it in Ramadhan but bukan daripada start of the Quran. I started the first page in primary school but you know, younger me didn't think it's a big deal. I took my own sweet time. In between 2009 and 2020 ni, I've khatam for maybe like twice or thrice? Once in Ramadhan too few years back, tu yang I remember... Lain tak ingat bila. Sigh.

      So when I started from the beginning, I planned on reciting a juzuk per day so by the end of Ramadhan, I would khatam. BUT jeng³, life happens in a form of a guy - I was too focus on feeding my worldly need and thus made me recite less than a juzuk per day at that point. I was trying to work on my relationship with this person, 'H'.

      Most probably Allah heard my deepest whisper and He helped me out. On 27th April, I got my heart broken by 'H' y'all. It was tragic. I cried. What a horrible, dreadful feeling. I felt hopeless. You know when you were so sure of something but it turns out that you were wrong? Yeah, that. Someone from my past, 'A' listened to my story in between sobs, haha. What 'A' said after calms me down. He said, "Be patient Nadilah, Okay?? Do you trust Allah??" Well, of course I do and the rest is history.. I took the time to make sense of it all and to heal.

      This quote right here is what 2019 has been forcing me to learn with someone whom I regard as my best friend (still hurts looking back but I'm healing) and looks like this current obstacle happened for me to relearn it once again - do not stay where you are not appreciated, to not be stuck with someone which doesn't help you grow to be a better person. Be grateful that it happens, forgive them (and ourselves) and move on...

      I love that it happened in Ramadhan; most of my Ramadhans works that way, there will always something impactful happened. The hurt made me look within and to search the meaning of life and I relearn that we live for Allah, to please Him and only Him. His creations will almost always disappoint us, even our parents have had at one point or another act the way that makes us feel uneasy. Because you know why? They are human too. But Allah? He's always there, He's a perfection and He only wants what's the best for us. And to change for the better, I need to work on myself as what has written in the Quran. 

Be the change.

      So I wanted to focus all of my energy on finishing the whole Quran in the month of Ramadhan. I was super late to start; I was on 3rd Juzuk @ 27th April. Then on 28th April, my past haunt me in the form of injury, my slipped disc. Last year I was diagnosed and stayed in the hospital for almost a week and something ugly in me snapped (in my head). So during Isyak prayer that night, I heard 3 POPs from my back and it was painful for me to do rukuk as sempurna as I can. And dang, that ugly thing in my head creeped back in. I felt like shouting 'WHY!!!' at the top of my lungs to no particular person. I was just so upset. The emotional pain I'm trying to heal from...and now a physical one? :'( On the 29th, I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't think straight so I get out of all my social media to heal... 

      And it took me days to really feel better so I get back to my reciting wholeheartedly on 6th May? We were instructed to come back to work despite the Covid-19 condition on 5th May so instead of staying angry at the decision of our employer, I took the time at the office to recite. Everywhere I go, my Quran was with me. Whenever opportunity presented itself, I took it and I just recite, recite and recite. And on May 8th, on a Friday, I got to recite Al-Kahfi and 2 juzuk of 8th & 9th. I was crying when it happened because I couldn't think I could recite 1 juzuk per day, let alone 2. I felt like hugging myself. I was happy!

      From that day, I completed 2 juzuk per day and one of the days, I got to finished 3 juzuk which I felt like a dream. Serious ah, sebelum ni nak habis 30 Juzuk pun makan bertahun kot... But it did happen! T.T All the while, I would listen to zikirs and nasyids dalam kereta pergi balik kerja. Sangat² menenangkan.

Most of the time, balik daripada kerja, akan recite Quran in the car. Selalu akan melalak menyanyi je lol...What a nice change of pace.

Ni masa renew roadtax clients, kena tunggu lamaaa. Bila time camni rasa macam rugi gila tak dapat baca Quran but entah rasa macam segan nak recite in a public place macam ni. Moga hilang that kind of segan-ness.

      The best part of this Quran journey was seeing my friends/colleagues joining in bringing their Quran to do their own recitation. Siap berlawan dengan Wani nak tengok siapa khatam dulu, hehe. :') Ada few sempat ambil gambar as follows... May Allah bless you guys!

Tenang kan hati tengok? Sobs.

      Oh, this Ramadhan banyak gila dapat rezeki. Sedara mara, kawan² belanja, send food and so much more! Ya Allah...may Allah shower you all with more rezeki yang halalan-toyyiban. Thank you, thank you! SO MUCH LOVE!

      And ada juga Nadilah cuba² nak reciprocate and lemme tell you, the act of giving feels amazing! I loooooove it! Moga dapat berbakti to others again and again.

Tauhu Begedil resepi from Facebook and it's yummy yum!

Ada some di frozen kan and it went to my colleagues. Kak Siti baru goreng ni haa few days ago. Adehhh, haha!

Haa cheesekut ni pula the preggy mummies lama dah minta tapi Ramadhan hujung² baru ada tenaga and bahan nak buat. Sorry babies! Nak carik cream cheese time tu macam carik emas weh. Masa beli tu tinggal sekotak 1kg (PENGSAN!) and jenama Anchor which I never used to make my cheesekut lol but beggars can't be choosers kan kan. Nasib sedap (dorang yang cakap lah, not me...ekekeke)

      To be honest, I was anxious whether I could khatam in Ramadhan with my parents. I had asked them to wait until juzuk 30 so we could khatam together. Papa had doubt and mama too! But mama did say that if I khatam in Ramadhan, she'll give me RM100, hahaha I felt like a kiddo but game on mother! Surprisingly the only time I sped through my recitation was when I'm at work. I had one day off work during Ramadhan and astaghfirullah, the temptation of my phone and bed was super wild! Semput juga nak habis kan 2 juzuk. And there are days I was super tired running around for work, but I still managed to recite 2 juzuk; it's amazing!

      And on the last 10 days of Ramadhan, I decided to write down all my wants so that I could make a doa easier. It was 2 pages and seriously how can I just fit it in 2 pages? There's so many things I want in this life and hereafter but it was suffice, I believe. I have made doa for all my loved ones too so if you're reading this, don't worry ok? I got you :*

The said written doa, hehe. I took this to give it to my sister, my accountability partner in LIFE and I was like HOI DAH BUAT LOM TULIS² DOA?! Ekeke, I love you sissy!

      On 21st May, I came home "Maaa! Adeq dah separa juzuk 30! Boleh khatam tonight yayy jom!" to which she replied "Eh? Macam mane? Ma baru masuk juzuk 30.. Adeq ada skip juzuk kan..." Weh time tu ketawa besar seeing her reaction! xD She were baffled because when I was on juzuk 6, mama and papa were both on their 14th/15th. Kalau tak percaya, I did have the recording of her saying all that. Untuk kenangan masa akan datang, hehehe. Love you ma! Bless your sweet heart.

      That night, my dad and I waited for mama to finished the 8 pages so that we could recite the few last surah(s) together... When it happened, it was super sweet and heart-warming. Papa cried. Mama cried. And I cried the hardest... When we khatam-ed together, papa recite the doa and then mama asked me to recite another doa which I did and cried like a faucet. The doa was beautiful! 

      Ya Allah, do bless all of us with Jannah. Thank you for everything. Thank you for helping me out on achieving this personal goal I had. And thank you for never leaving me alone. I know You were always with me especially during the midnight crying out for You. Subhanallah, alhamdulillah, allahuakbar...

Our khatam faces. Bittersweet :')

      One of the other best things happened during Ramadhan was I got to pray terawih jemaah every single nights with my parents and fasting for the whole 30 days! And now unto 6 days of Syawal fasting. May Allah grant us pahala melimpah ruah. Aminnn ya robbal alamin! LOVE.

Jom kejar 6 hari puasa ni! :D

      All in all, this Ramadhan truly is the best thing that ever happened to me. I've learned so much about myself and everything around me. And I know if I put my heart and soul into something, and when I believe in myself, I could make it happen. And of course, with Allah'blessings. I could not wait to see what the future holds for this lil old Nadilah! To more adventure!

Thank you for reading all this. I know it's long but you made it through. Good job! Ehek. Now go drop a comment so that I know you've been here. Hihi.

See you again.

Assalamualaikum.

xx