Mak / Mummy / Madre / Maminka / Moeder / Mëmë / Majka

My syurga dunia akhirat SMOOCH!

      Different panggilan what with the same meaning - our first love, mother. The one who gave us lives in exchange of hers. The one who put her children's needs in front of hers. The one who'd take a bullet for us in a heartbeat. This lady right here...I called her Ma or Mama. Korang kalau dapat teka the origin of the languages of these panggilan of mak dekat tajuk atas tu, komen kat bawah nanti ok? Tengok siapa pandai, hehe.

      I know Mother's Day is long gone but tonight I wanna write about her because she deserves to know she is loved and appreciated even it is hard for her to believe. To be frank, our relationship were not the best growing up. I always think of her as a strict and un-fun mother as she was always in her teaching mode, always ready to step in highlighting what I did wrong and showed me the right way to do it. Being a kid and teen after, weh geram kot macam ugh, hidup is for tenang and fun. Seriously rasa mak ni party pooper. But not all the time. She had her moment, glimpse of her that makes me see her as a proper human being. I didn't look into it that much to be honest as I was too busy growing up, taking life by the balls so to speak.

      But as I get older, seeing her being a leader at her work and her amazing work ethic like oh my God, I fell in love. I fell in love with how she could demand the attention of the room, speaking eloquently from her mind and the way she got her job done with precision. I could see myself admiring and wondering if I could ever fill in her shoes, being that awesome. It must be hard.

      Then as I started working in 2015, still young as she was, she asked me whether she could retire and enjoy life and her time with daddy. With all of her family's blessings, she did. She deserved that after working way too hard for all of us, from the office and to working tirelessly for all of us, cooking and cleaning at home. Both she did wonderfully if I might add. What a superwoman.

      The year after that was a test for both of us as it was only she and I would be at home 24/7. I was just graduated and taking a gap year to travel and finding myself - life after graduate, where would I go, what kind of career I would like to build and such. She was still geared up from retiring from work, banyak gila energy mama where she's still finding the tune to rest totally. Dang, 2016 deserves a post on its own. InsyaAllah one day I'll write it down. Mucho interesting, haha. We were also finding the right balance to be for each other and being apart, having our own spaces.

      Then speed through to current time... Our relationship has blossomed into something I would cherish and savour until the end of time. You know when you feel like you want to hug someone kuat² geram-ly? That. That is how I would explain the nature of our relationship now. Sayang sangat! Previously we would have screaming matches to make our points come across. Now, we will still forever learning the best way to communicate with each other and I could say it's getting better and better each day, alhamdulillah.

      Like today, well actually menulis ni pun sebab the thing happened today, hahahaha sorry mukadimah panjaaang gila. Pasaipa dah lama tak menulis kan -.- K get back to the topic. Harini I felt like it's another milestone for our relationship. Papa went to his brother's house for tahlil arwah for their mother, my nenek, 24 years anniversary of her passing. Alfatihah... May Allah grant her Jannatul Firdausi.

      Usually papa would be our imam for all prayers but since there's just the two of us, after iftar, she wanted to be the imam (berebut juga dengan aku nak jadi imam haha) for maghrib. And after prayer, we reviewed the bacaan and such, belajar where we could be better. Then we got to talking, heart to heart. Ya Allah my heart melts, crying for her. She's not really the touchy-feely person so when she told me all the stories she had store away, I feel like I understand her more; why she is the way she is. The lessons she had growing up...and the emotional rawness...HUGS! We got carried away, talked about everything and anything under the sky for 2 hours plus until daddy came back and she asked me to be the imam for isyak. Takut kena judge bacaan dengan papa lettew! Hahahahahahaha!

      This post is dedicated to you, madre. Thank you for showing us that nothing could mess with us if we wouldn't let them. You are one strong lady. I love you madre! I appreciate your existance and everything that comes with it. May Allah grant you Jannatul Firdausi surrounded by all of us, amin aminnn ya robbal alamin!

See you again.

PS: She knew I was gonna write about her because I asked her retirement year lol I forgot aaand she said my previous post is boring uwaaa T.T Yeke boring korang? Cubit mama!

Diary Ramadhan 2020

Assalamualaikum, hi guys! :)

Holy macaroni, it has been 4 years since I've updated this blog!

      Last post were on March 2016. So in between that until now, I've been having a great career as Nadilah Champion Proton @ Proton Edar Larkin helping out my clients owning their dream cars with ease AND I've had 4 more nieces and nephews to love and to cherish until my last breath. Pheew, and a lot more in between.

      This particular post is to celebrate my 2020's Ramadhan which was beautiful, alhamdulillah. So all the things happened in between tu nanti lah posts lain eh kalau rajin nak menulis lagi, haha!

      We started fasting on 23rd of April; I was looking forward on achieving my personal goal on finishing the whole Al-Quran on the holy month...starting from surah Al-Fatihah, even though I stopped in the middle of the Quran from the last time I read it. Rasa nak start fresh, I don't know why.

      If you remember the post from 2009 regarding my Ramadhan (click the underlink for the post), where I first khatam the holy book. At 16, I finished it in Ramadhan but bukan daripada start of the Quran. I started the first page in primary school but you know, younger me didn't think it's a big deal. I took my own sweet time. In between 2009 and 2020 ni, I've khatam for maybe like twice or thrice? Once in Ramadhan too few years back, tu yang I remember... Lain tak ingat bila. Sigh.

      So when I started from the beginning, I planned on reciting a juzuk per day so by the end of Ramadhan, I would khatam. BUT jeng³, life happens in a form of a guy - I was too focus on feeding my worldly need and thus made me recite less than a juzuk per day at that point. I was trying to work on my relationship with this person, 'H'.

      Most probably Allah heard my deepest whisper and He helped me out. On 27th April, I got my heart broken by 'H' y'all. It was tragic. I cried. What a horrible, dreadful feeling. I felt hopeless. You know when you were so sure of something but it turns out that you were wrong? Yeah, that. Someone from my past, 'A' listened to my story in between sobs, haha. What 'A' said after calms me down. He said, "Be patient Nadilah, Okay?? Do you trust Allah??" Well, of course I do and the rest is history.. I took the time to make sense of it all and to heal.

      This quote right here is what 2019 has been forcing me to learn with someone whom I regard as my best friend (still hurts looking back but I'm healing) and looks like this current obstacle happened for me to relearn it once again - do not stay where you are not appreciated, to not be stuck with someone which doesn't help you grow to be a better person. Be grateful that it happens, forgive them (and ourselves) and move on...

      I love that it happened in Ramadhan; most of my Ramadhans works that way, there will always something impactful happened. The hurt made me look within and to search the meaning of life and I relearn that we live for Allah, to please Him and only Him. His creations will almost always disappoint us, even our parents have had at one point or another act the way that makes us feel uneasy. Because you know why? They are human too. But Allah? He's always there, He's a perfection and He only wants what's the best for us. And to change for the better, I need to work on myself as what has written in the Quran. 

Be the change.
      So I wanted to focus all of my energy on finishing the whole Quran in the month of Ramadhan. I was super late to start; I was on 3rd Juzuk @ 27th April. Then on 28th April, my past haunt me in the form of injury, my slipped disc. Last year I was diagnosed and stayed in the hospital for almost a week and something ugly in me snapped (in my head). So during Isyak prayer that night, I heard 3 POPs from my back and it was painful for me to do rukuk as sempurna as I can. And dang, that ugly thing in my head creeped back in. I felt like shouting 'WHY!!!' at the top of my lungs to no particular person. I was just so upset. The emotional pain I'm trying to heal from...and now a physical one? :'( On the 29th, I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't think straight so I get out of all my social media to heal... 

      And it took me days to really feel better so I get back to my reciting wholeheartedly on 6th May? We were instructed to come back to work despite the Covid-19 condition on 5th May so instead of staying angry at the decision of our employer, I took the time at the office to recite. Everywhere I go, my Quran was with me. Whenever opportunity presented itself, I took it and I just recite, recite and recite. And on May 8th, on a Friday, I got to recite Al-Kahfi and 2 juzuk of 8th & 9th. I was crying when it happened because I couldn't think I could recite 1 juzuk per day, let alone 2. I felt like hugging myself. I was happy!

      From that day, I completed 2 juzuk per day and one of the days, I got to finished 3 juzuk which I felt like a dream. Serious ah, sebelum ni nak habis 30 Juzuk pun makan bertahun kot... But it did happen! T.T All the while, I would listen to zikirs and nasyids dalam kereta pergi balik kerja. Sangat² menenangkan.

Most of the time, balik daripada kerja, akan recite Quran in the car. Selalu akan melalak menyanyi je lol...What a nice change of pace.
Ni masa renew roadtax clients, kena tunggu lamaaa. Bila time camni rasa macam rugi gila tak dapat baca Quran but entah rasa macam segan nak recite in a public place macam ni. Moga hilang that kind of segan-ness.
      The best part of this Quran journey was seeing my friends/colleagues joining in bringing their Quran to do their own recitation. Siap berlawan dengan Wani nak tengok siapa khatam dulu, hehe. :') Ada few sempat ambil gambar as follows... May Allah bless you guys!

Tenang kan hati tengok? Sobs.
      Oh, this Ramadhan banyak gila dapat rezeki. Sedara mara, kawan² belanja, send food and so much more! Ya Allah...may Allah shower you all with more rezeki yang halalan-toyyiban. Thank you, thank you! SO MUCH LOVE!

      And ada juga Nadilah cuba² nak reciprocate and lemme tell you, the act of giving feels amazing! I loooooove it! Moga dapat berbakti to others again and again.

Tauhu Begedil resepi from Facebook and it's yummy yum!
Ada some di frozen kan and it went to my colleagues. Kak Siti baru goreng ni haa few days ago. Adehhh, haha!
Haa cheesekut ni pula the preggy mummies lama dah minta tapi Ramadhan hujung² baru ada tenaga and bahan nak buat. Sorry babies! Nak carik cream cheese time tu macam carik emas weh. Masa beli tu tinggal sekotak 1kg (PENGSAN!) and jenama Anchor which I never used to make my cheesekut lol but beggars can't be choosers kan kan. Nasib sedap (dorang yang cakap lah, not me...ekekeke)

      To be honest, I was anxious whether I could khatam in Ramadhan with my parents. I had asked them to wait until juzuk 30 so we could khatam together. Papa had doubt and mama too! But mama did say that if I khatam in Ramadhan, she'll give me RM100, hahaha I felt like a kiddo but game on mother! Surprisingly the only time I sped through my recitation was when I'm at work. I had one day off work during Ramadhan and astaghfirullah, the temptation of my phone and bed was super wild! Semput juga nak habis kan 2 juzuk. And there are days I was super tired running around for work, but I still managed to recite 2 juzuk; it's amazing!

      And on the last 10 days of Ramadhan, I decided to write down all my wants so that I could make a doa easier. It was 2 pages and seriously how can I just fit it in 2 pages? There's so many things I want in this life and hereafter but it was suffice, I believe. I have made doa for all my loved ones too so if you're reading this, don't worry ok? I got you :*

The said written doa, hehe. I took this to give it to my sister, my accountability partner in LIFE and I was like HOI DAH BUAT LOM TULIS² DOA?! Ekeke, I love you sissy!
      On 21st May, I came home "Maaa! Adeq dah separa juzuk 30! Boleh khatam tonight yayy jom!" to which she replied "Eh? Macam mane? Ma baru masuk juzuk 30.. Adeq ada skip juzuk kan..." Weh time tu ketawa besar seeing her reaction! xD She were baffled because when I was on juzuk 6, mama and papa were both on their 14th/15th. Kalau tak percaya, I did have the recording of her saying all that. Untuk kenangan masa akan datang, hehehe. Love you ma! Bless your sweet heart.

      That night, my dad and I waited for mama to finished the 8 pages so that we could recite the few last surah(s) together... When it happened, it was super sweet and heart-warming. Papa cried. Mama cried. And I cried the hardest... When we khatam-ed together, papa recite the doa and then mama asked me to recite another doa which I did and cried like a faucet. The doa was beautiful! 

      Ya Allah, do bless all of us with Jannah. Thank you for everything. Thank you for helping me out on achieving this personal goal I had. And thank you for never leaving me alone. I know You were always with me especially during the midnight crying out for You. Subhanallah, alhamdulillah, allahuakbar...

Our khatam faces. Bittersweet :')

      One of the other best things happened during Ramadhan was I got to pray terawih jemaah every single nights with my parents and fasting for the whole 30 days! And now unto 6 days of Syawal fasting. May Allah grant us pahala melimpah ruah. Aminnn ya robbal alamin! LOVE.

Jom kejar 6 hari puasa ni! :D

      All in all, this Ramadhan truly is the best thing that ever happened to me. I've learned so much about myself and everything around me. And I know if I put my heart and soul into something, and when I believe in myself, I could make it happen. And of course, with Allah'blessings. I could not wait to see what the future holds for this lil old Nadilah! To more adventure!

Thank you for reading all this. I know it's long but you made it through. Good job! Ehek. Now go drop a comment so that I know you've been here. Hihi.

See you again.

First Date

      Tadi pergi dinner dengan papa at the same place that I had my 'first date' with a person I associated before years back. Usually kalau keluar dengan this person (Let's name him Akarukakita shall we? Hahaha), mesti keluar beramai-ramai. Well, aku tak reti dating. Like seriously rasa berdosa weh. Hahaha! xD
      Jadi bila dine in and berbual dengan papa, memang nostalgic habislah kan. Then cerita kat papa what happened during the 'first date'. Minta pendapat. Sebab sometimes I went back to this situation, kicking myself in the butt for being so hard.
      Masa cerita tu papa was upset sebab tak sangka anak dara dia keluar dengan lelaki alone without mahram but I assured him nothing happened and that was the first and the last I ever been on a date (but it's not like I didn't ask for his permission. he forgot lah tu haha). He listen through though; Akarukakita promised to treat me with a meal (Secret Recipe he specified) and wayang. He bought the tickets and as Secret Recipe tak ada at this particular mall, masuklah Season's. Ada this deal of Buy 1 Free 1 meal, as I am quite uncomfortable being at the receiving end of gifts or belanja, I suggested we took the offer. He seconded. The meal was good and then came the bill. I expected him to pick it up but he suggestively raise his eyebrow. Since the server was quite impatient as it was lunch time, I hurriedly pay the bill and was really upset.
       After dah bebel-bebel, aku tanya whether pernah ke papa buat anyone macam tu, after some thought papa said "Maybe dia nak test awak?" and that got me thinking. But then he adds "But if it's the first date, he should be picking up the tab." Aku tergelak and lega sebab papa indeed is a gentleman. I have always known this but tonight it's different. :')
      But before anyone judge me for being shallow, let me tell you, I did give him more chances but entah kalau dah tak boleh, tak boleh juga lah kan? He's someone else's and I'm not going to be in the way for him to find her. Aku tahu dia akan terbaca ni sooner or later (dia kaki stalk) and tahu that I am writing about him. Akarukakita, sorry tak reply all your messages and picking up your calls. I am pretty adamant that we are not for each other. Aku tahu in your guts pun cakap lagu tu. Hahaha. Thank you though selalu ada dengar aku bebel dulu-dulu.
      Whoo hoo first time tulis benda personal nak mati. Only few people knew about this. I guess now you too; we are buddies (now). Treasure that! :p
See you again.

Vans' 50th Birthday Bash @ House of Vans Kuala Lumpur

      Last Saturday, 19 March Enni and I went to House of Vans in Kuala Lumpur to experience something new. I have been addicted to Vans' shoes since years ago because of their cool design and just recently I bought myself an original one in Barcelona. Yay for my first baby! It was dirt cheap compared to what they sell in Malaysia and the design were pretty boring down here I tell ya. Kalau tengok whatever they have online, memang boleh salivate or maybe it is just me.

       Although the event was open to public but what I wanted to do with Enni were on a first come first serve basis and need to register few weeks before. I didn't tell Enni where're we going since day 1 I got the tickets konon nak surprise. Even I had no clue what to expect actually.

      House of Vans opened its door at 3pm. We got there around 3.10pm but the line was already crazy long. We didn't know what the line is for until we got up close. It was for the first 100th people; we got a canvas bag where we could choose what to be print on it. The printing (or stamped) process made then and there. No wonderlah beratur lama.


      Both of us (and most of the attendees) opt for the Vans 50 Years' design. Other designs were of quirky cartoons. Tak comel so not my cup of tea. Haha. We got to try out the printing/stamping thingy on our own though and that's cool.

      Then it is time for Enni's surprise. I registered us for the DIY Slip-On Shoes Workshop. Enni was like "omg nooo omg omg nooo Nadee whyyy?" cause she feels she is not creative enough. I know if I told her earlier, she will back off. Miahahaha I'm a genius like that. The tak best thing was I thought it was a workshop where we would learn how and the to-do's of designing Vans' Slip-Ons. Meh. Rupanya it was pure competition.

      We were given a goodie bag for participation and this white A3 size cardboard-y thing. It's of smooth surface and we need to colour in (design) the shoe. I was bummed sebab berangan nak buat Galaxy design but since we were provided with Magic Pen only where it's almost impossible to blend 2/3 colours together, kena fikir design lain. Lama juga fikir what to do and to think we're only given 30 minutes to be done with it, lagilah gelabah kucing jadinya. Enni dekat sebelah dah start bebel-bebel how I should give her a head's up and all. Sorry not sorry. :p

After somewhat 25 minutes, I managed to buat ni.

Enni's. xD

      This is mine after patching up. Ta-da! Not bad for an immature tangan kayu kan? There is a contest as per mentioned but both of us decided to go before the announcement made. Sebab ada Instagram contest untuk ni juga. Maybe our luck is for that one instead? Tunggu jela announcement. Tu pun kalau menang. Be sure to check out my Instagram to give out some love - @nadeenuts. Everyone else's design really put ours to shame though, tak tipu. Sumpah cantik. Ada saw this one lady drew a very majestic lion's head dead centre of the shoe. Tu pun one of the reason kenapa we decided to leave early. Hahaha sadis.

Gantung mine for this photo sake only

Enni with hers.

      And of course, time to capture some memories around the ground. We were actually hoping for a sale or some sort going on, tapi once again, bummer.

Met my beautiful buddy from high school! Shout out to Ezyan! :*

We could be eating those good looking Waffle Grip but nooope, the waffle iron's having a crisis. -.-

      We had our late brunch at IOI City Mall. Thanks for the treat Enni. May Allah bless you with so much wealth. So boleh belanja lagi. Haha. ;)



      All in all it was a great experience. We weren't press for time thus queueing up for almost 40 minutes wasn't that bad. The 'workshop' were hilarious though. Both of us kelam-kabut trying our best to give birth to a masterpiece. And of course, having to let loose with Enni. Thank you babe. Looking forward to our next outing!

What's in the goodie bag you ask? Nothing much. Loads of stickers and not-a-notebook.


 See you again.

Near Death Experience

The title sums it all. I did face it...

      There are 3 intersections with traffic lights before turning into my office building. As the traffic light from the lane on my left turned red, I pressed on my gas and turn when suddenly I heard a honk from a car on my right. A bigger car than mine was about to rammed into me. All I could do was raising my hand apologetically because it was clearly my fault.

      That shows in a matter of seconds, things could happen, be it good or bad.

      And sure, I learnt my lesson; I will wait for the light to turn green and by then only I will make my move. All this time I thought I was invisible.

      Thank you Allah.

See you again, I hope.

I Would Not Be The Worst Mother

      As some of you might know, I am blessed with 2 beautiful nieces. One is my brother's and one is my sister's. Nuha, The Wise One and Marissa, The Polite One.

      Marissa, or as I call her Tibet 'cause she looked like someone from Tibet when she was born, is living together with us at our parents' home. 

      I've been under the weather these past few days and I was home for 2 days now, MC-ing. So today I welcomed her home from her nursery. Then prepare her from her daily bath. I cradled her to sleep or trying to. Mama got back from work, get into her cleaning mode and mopped the floor really vigorously. 

      As I was climbing down the bed while cradling Tibet, I slipped when my foot touched the ground. I could not do anything as all I am thinking is poor Tibet and what would happen if I tried to grab hold onto anything. So I went down and the back of my head banged on the bedside table and my poor bum hit the floor. All the time I hugged Tibet close to me keeping her from harms way. Alhamdulillah, everything is okay except I am a bit woozy still from the head banging (pun intended).

      It got me thinking. If I am ever bless with a child or two of my own, insyaAllah I would not be the worst mother in the world; I will protect them from harms way with all my might.

      On an unrelated note, this is my first post after a really looong time. Oh my. A year to be exact. And ta-da(!) a new look too.

See you again.