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Sunflowers & Sunshines

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Grief is a funny thing. I was reciting the quran and suddenly remember a tender memory of papa coming home from the masjid while mama and I were both reciting quran in our own rooms, doors ajar. Papa stood in the hallway, a calm and happy smile plastered on his face, soaking it all up. While I too smiling just now thinking about this. Suddenly tears pooling in my eyes and my voice became croaky, trying to catch my breath. I continued reciting nevertheless. And then I hit verse 129, surah At-Taubah which read: But if they turn away, then say, ˹O Prophet,˺ “Allah is sufficient for me. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. In Him I put my trust. And He is the Lord of the Mighty Throne.” And my tears streamed down. I recited that verse 3 times and just let myself feel everything, the heaviness, the joy, the calmness that comes with it too. Allahumma firlahu warhamhu wa'afihi wa'fu anhu 🤲🏻 I miss you pa. See you in Jannatul Firdaus.
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My Sweet Father

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The loss that I feel Everything reminds me of you The you that's no longer here Every news of death All I can think about is you You left a hole in me A hole that can't be filled No matter how desperately I wanted to Please, let me I don't want to feel this pain anymore Not that I don't accept the fate, the timing of God I just want you to be here with me again To be able to listen to your comforting words To be able to make you laugh To be able to run to you, jump on you and stroke your hair until you fall asleep To be able to say "I love you pa. Forever and always" I'll see you in Jannah, my sweet father. Alfatihah...
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#Skincare - CeraVe ; Go or No Go?

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      Hey guys! On 8th Feb, I posted on my social media that I'm trying a new skin regime with all CeraVe's products and promised to give an update here in 2 weeks time (oops). There's a delay because I thought I'd have glass skin by now but hahahahahahahaha, NOPE!  There ain't drastic changes on my face but read on for my thoughts on each products.   Here are the product range I bought on Shopee after doing an online analysis from CeraVe's website HERE  where you can take it before deciding on which skincare that's best for your skin. As I am of combination skin, I have parts of oily and dry skin on my face, the website suggested I get these - CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser, CeraVe AM & PM Moisturizing Lotion. I was super ecstatic that their AM moisturizer have SPF combination because I have not yet found SPF that's suitable for my skin and I know how important it is for us. All the SPF products I tried before leave my skin feel sticky and I feel li...
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Ain't All Roses & Sunshine

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I promise myself that I'll be 99% candid/frank about everything I write from now on, no matter how uncomfortable the topics are. Today is one of the day. That 1% will be between Allah and I. Smile. I feel like people see me as having it all, without having any difficulties in life. Welp, that ain't true. 'Cos what you see on my social media are my highlight reels; the things that I'm grateful for. No one sees the ugly side, the rocky mountains I have to climb.  You didn't see I broke down crying in the toilet of the hospital's emergency dept this morning just 'cos I cant pee in a cup correctly. Seems miniscule right...but not to me. I felt so frustrated. Peeing in a cup for years was not a problem. Somehow it is a struggle for me now. And to have people ridicule your struggle? That's just the icing on top. It took me almost 3 hours to get it right. I had to buy 2 bottles of water to fill the tank. Finally did it when mama brought me a plastic...
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Mak / Mummy / Madre / Maminka / Moeder / Mëmë / Majka

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My syurga dunia akhirat SMOOCH!       Different panggilan what with the same meaning - our first love, mother. The one who gave us lives in exchange of hers. The one who put her children's needs in front of hers. The one who'd take a bullet for us in a heartbeat. This lady right here...I called her Ma or Mama. Korang kalau dapat teka the origin of the languages of these panggilan of mak dekat tajuk atas tu, komen kat bawah nanti ok? Tengok siapa pandai, hehe.       I know Mother's Day is long gone but tonight I wanna write about her because she deserves to know she is loved and appreciated even it is hard for her to believe. To be frank, our relationship were not the best growing up. I always think of her as a strict and un-fun mother as she was always in her teaching mode, always ready to step in highlighting what I did wrong and showed me the right way to do it. Being a kid and teen after, weh geram kot macam ugh, hidup is for tenang and fun. S...
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